traumatised
Friday, March 7, 2008 @ 11:19 PM
i am still in a state of blankness now. not that i'ld like to admit. but yes, i am in a state of void. the overload of emotions over the last few hours caused it i guess. didn't wanna show it la. i tried my best! quite sure no one realised.
im very very worried for you. i know there're stuff which you haven't told me and i know i didn't ask either. it's kinda like the unspoken stuff. i wish you'ld tell me. cos i know you will when you are ready. that's why im not asking. but im really worried for you. pls tell me if things are troubling you okay. cos i wanna be there for you too. the way you're always there for me the past 6 years? truth be told, you're just a phone call away. but i daren't call you. first time i guess. cos i don't wanna put any more pressure on you than that which you've put on yourself. but wells.. i hope you're fine and not do anything silly. (i know you won't. only i will! haha..) but still. im worried lah yah. so if you're feeling better and you read this just drop me an sms okay!
and i realised i've grown smarter. or more sensible. i know better than to approach matters which will both ruin my mood and cause the situation to deteriorate. do i know you too well? or is this situation all too familiar? cos i've seen it umpteen times. this time, i finally made the right decision. definitely.
i saw you today. running. sudden barrier. didn't know what to say to you so i didn't call you. feel as though im chasing after you. and it's tiring me out. (metaphorically. not physical chasing) maybe you ARE fitter than me in all ways. i hope this race was run by only the two of us. but im not sure whether it is. if it isn't i don't have the courage and the energy to continue knowing that i'll be losing.
well, feel might better after getting lotsa stuff off my chest. im tired out. exhausted and drained. but i'll recharge soon. and i'll be ready for retail therapy with the choir people tmr. one thing good? i'll laugh till i feel my lungs are collapsing. :D
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meiqi: yes hunney! it is! haha. sorry laa!
anne: omg. shut up you niece! HAHAHA! you auntie until so big. make me feel so OLD! tskk! terrible. no more present for you alr! -shakes head-
lene: what nonsense! you make me sound like im drowning. hahaa!
cel: DEFINITELY! dreams are nice. cos they take you away from the terrible reality. sometimes i seriously just wanna stay away from reality. no matter how naive or unrealistic or illogical it may be. i'll feel happier that way no? hahaha..
